Oh No! Ah! Uh! Eeek! I Think I'm Gonna Die!!!

This week in my AP Lang. class, we read a wonderful story by P. J. O'Rourke, called “Third World Driving Hints and Tips.” Let me say, it was one of the most accurate and hilarious articles that I have ever read. Myself, having ridden in a car while I was visiting my family in India, I have personal knowledge of what it is like, and let me tell you, it is quite accurate. Though this article seems to be intended at people who live in a first world country, but have an experienced driving in a third world country, it can appeal to all. For those in third world countries it is offensive, while those in first world countries, it is over the top hilarious.

As the piece starts out, one must think that it is extremely informational and may actually be helpful to learn how to drive in a third world country, but that is not the case. Though there are official looking headings, the writing under each heading just makes fun of a lower class world. P. J. O’Rourke mentions the idea of road blocks of a third world in the piece. A person living here in the U.S. would assume it would mean construction road blocks or signs, but what he is actually talking about are animals, like cows, goats, and chickens, which are followed by children. He suggests that a goat is something to drive right through, which is quite accurate. From my experiences riding in a car in India where goats, cows, and chickens just roam around freely, I definitely understand where O’Rourke is coming from. To me, it seems that the car always has this goat force field, meaning whenever it drives through a group of goats, it manages to part them right in the middle, and not even touch a single one of them. The goats go away unharmed. Then there are the cows, which go wherever you go. Cows just like to chill and don’t seem to care about what is going on. They never move when a car is coming, and when you think it is safe, they somehow magically appear in front of the car, as O’Rourke claims. Chickens are a hazard; O’Rourke used a great metaphor saying chickens are like balls of the first world countries. They come onto the road; they are always followed by children. One time I was at my father’s parents’ house in a small village in India. There were chickens on the street, and I was scared that the driver would run over them. When they passed, the car started to move again, but suddenly a child ran across the street, it was quite scary. Occasionally, an obstacle may also be a parade of drunk people dancing and beating on your car, which may result in an angry driver who starts yelling, and the whole situation becomes tense.

O’Rourke is also accurate on the whole honking situation. He said in third world countries, honking is a necessity when it comes to driving. For some reason, they believe honking is needed to reverse, to park, to drive down an empty street, just all the time. Every time I step out of the airport when I reach India, I am overwhelmed with the amount of honking noises that are coming from cars, busses, trucks, and motorcycles, even though we usually reach around two in the morning. Here, honking is only used at particular times and is generally considered rude. I was a confused child, because in America I was never allowed to press the horn on the steering wheel, but when I went to India, all I heard were honks and horns.

Another particular thing I notice about driving in third world countries, particularly India, is that the majority of the population living and working there drive a motorcycle or moped. And on these motorcycles, mopeds, and even in the cars, trucks, busses, trains, auto rickshaws, and any sort of transportation, they are able to seat way more than the normal amount. A two-seater motorcycle may be able to fit ten people on it sometimes, it is quite astonishing. Also, they do not follow the rules; I never even understand how people can survive driving there. They don’t use lanes or follow the lights, I feel like there should be way more accidents.

This just goes to show that countries and places are different. What seems normal in one place, is quite absurd to others from a different place. Though we may joke about third world driving, that is what the people in third world have known their entire life, that is what they have grown up in, and if they came here, they would be a little confused too.